Infirmary Nightmares
by Jae Eltie
Summary: When Luke falls sick, his stay in the infirmary is a nightmare -- with one hyper ditz as the main fright...


AUTHOR'S NOTE(S): I think you're thinking what I think you're thinking. You're thinking that I [can] only write crazy, funky stories that are... well, pointless, right? Well, I don't. These are all I've been able to come up with so far.;)

BTW, Emi (it seems that all of my stories couldn't be written w/out her, huh?) and I made this up at a B-day party. We had just eaten cake, soda, and ice cream. Almost all I knew about that book, "Children of the Jedi," was that part of it where I'd read somewhere that Luke falls sick and Callista visits him in his dream(s)... or something like that. Emi and I were wacko at the time, and we ACTED THIS OUT!!!! (see? that's what too much party stuff does to you...) NEways, in this short-short story (or play... whatever), Emi is Leeeara and I'm Shalire.

(I don't think many of y'all wil make it halfway through ~this~ one...)

~Jessa

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INFIRMARY NIGHTMARES

By Jessa R. Hacknei & Emi L. Kurihara

(Luke is lying in a bed, propped up with pillows, looking rather tired and green around the gills. Shalire enters, talking animatedly into a comlink)

SHALIRE: ...no... no... I don't think that'll work... if ~you~ were sick, would ~you~ like steamy pizza?...

LUKE (attention is aroused): Pizza? For me?! I'll have supreme – no green peppers, though. (pouts when Shalire ignores him)

SHALIRE: ...how about some Advil?... do you think Advil will work?... Tylenol?... cough medicine?... I dunno... he's just sick... OK... I'll see if I can find some in the storage bin... yeah... 'bye.

(The comlink clicks off. Shalire stands at the edge of the bed)

SHALIRE (carefree, still animated): So, how're ya feeling?

LUKE: Not good.

SHALIRE: (thinks for a moment) How 'bout some chicken soup?

LUKE (very confused): What's chicken soup?

SHALIRE: You sound just like when you asked ol' Obi-Wan what a duck was. Well, chicken soup is...

(Shalire rambles on about chicken soup, the Campbell's food company, and such. Leeeara enters, yelling at a datapad)

LEEEARA: Rrrrrrrrgh! Work you, work! (hits the datapad) WORK!! (notices Shalire and bangs her on the head with the stubborn datapad)(Shalire, unfazed, keeps up her lecture)

LEEEARA: Yay! It works! (turns to the problem at hand) Shalire, what are you doing?

SHALIRE: (to Luke) ...and then Mr. Campbell... (to Leeeara) I'm telling Mr. Skywalker about chicken soup.

LEEEARA (noting Luke's bored, sickly look): Shalire, we need to talk. (she takes her friend by the arm and drags Shalire out of the room)(Luke cocks his head questioningly)(a resounding THUNK is heard)(the sounds of a can opener and microwave are heard)(Leeeara reenters, carrying a bowl of hot chicken soup)

LEEEARA (cheerily): Here you are. Some chicken soup. (she pulls out a silver tray and sets the steamy bowl on it) Eat up.

SHALIRE: (reenters room) Campbell's -- it's the best!

LEEEARA: (clears throat warningly) ShaLIRE!

SHALIRE: What?

LUKE: Oh, brother.

LEEEARA: Shalire, you're a nutcase.

SHALIRE: (bows deeply) Thank you very much. My pleasure.

(Leeeara bangs Shalire on the head with a big metal pot lid)(Shalire's head vibrates like it does in those Bugs Bunny cartoons)

LUKE: Where'd the pot lid come from?

(Shalire snickers at a small joke)

LEEEARA: (stares at the lid) I dunno. (she sets it down)(the lids disappears) Hunh. That's funny.

SHALIRE (whispers): Maybe it's ~gone~...

LEEEARA (also whispering): Yeah, maybe-- Hey! It ~IS~ gone, you weirdo!

SHALIRE (snickering): Just seeing if you were paying attention.

LUKE: This is getting ridiculous. (he yawns) I'm sleepy, so, if you two would just turn out that light... (he points to the fluorescent light directly above the bed)

SHALIRE: Don't worry. I'll turn it off.

(While Shalire climbs onto the headboard of Luke's bed, Luke dons a camo Army helmet -- which came out of nowhere)

SHALIRE: I'll have it off in... (she reaches for the lightbulb) just a second...

(Leeeara and Luke watch for a few moments as Shalire tries to reach the bulb to unscrew it)(Leeeara then shakes her head and walks over to the power outlet, where the lightswitch is)(She flips the switch)(Shalire is taken completely off-guard)(She squeals and falls headfirst onto... the floor {thought she was gonna land on the bed, right? G})

SHALIRE: (sits up and puts a hand on her head) Owww. That hurts.

LEEEARA: No, duh. (helps the woozy Shalire up) Now that the lights are out, it's time (in a warning voice to Shalire) that we ~left~.

LUKE: Oh... yeah.

(Leeeara and Shalire walk slowly to the door)(Leeeara walks out)(Shalire runs back to the bed)

SHALIRE: Do you want me to take this bowl and tray?

LUKE: Hunh? Oh, sure. (he puts a hand to his head) My head is throbbing.

SHALIRE (ever-helpful): Do you want an aspirin?

LUKE: What's an aspirin?

SHALIRE: I think it's something to help headaches. But I'm not sure. (thinks for a moment) Do you want me to tell you a bedtime story?

LUKE (groaning): Oh, no. Not again. (he pulls the covers over his head)

SHALIRE: (ignores Luke) Well, once upon a time, there was a little

puppy...

LUKE: Not this one again.

(Shalire stops)

SHALIRE: If the sight of me bugs you, I'll tell you the story from behind the bed. (she goes behind the headboard) Now, the puppy...

(By now, Leeeara has realized that her companion isn't with her)(She knows exactly where to find her)

LEEEARA: SHALIRE!!! Get back here!

SHALIRE: But then, guess who the puppy saw?

LUKE (bored): The cat.

SHALIRE: (shakes head) Nope. A cat.

(Leeeara hurls a spoon across the room at Shalire {hey! where'd that spoon come from?})(The spoon hits Shalire smack in the head)(She slumps behind the bed)

LUKE: Whew! I didn't think she'd ever shut up.

LEEEARA: Well, once you get used to her, you kinda like her -- after a LONG while. (she waves) Sweet dreams!

SHALIRE: (standing up shakily behind the bed)(raises a fist limply) Dream of Callista!

LEEEARA: Shhhhhh!

LUKE: Who's Callista?

SHALIRE: (gapes) Your ~GIRLFRIEND~!!!!

(Leeeara chunks a salt shaker at Shalire's head {what's with the magic kitchen objects?})(It scores a hit on Shalire's head)(Shalire falls back down)

LEEEARA: (brushes her hands off) Good night. (she exits)

(Luke pokes his head up and looks behind the bed)

LUKE: Are you OK?

(A hand reaches up and hooks onto the headboard)(Shalire weakly pulls herself up)

SHALIRE (drunkenly): Dream o'... whuzzer name uhgin? (head lolls to the side)

LUKE: Uhm... Callista?

SHALIRE: Uh yeah. Ol' Callie. Well... gunnight. (THUNK!)

LUKE: This is gonna be a long, long night.

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END NOTE(S): Well, that's it. There's no sequel or prequel to this'n. It's this single, crazy, idiotic, queer... story/skit. *claps for those of you that made it so far* BRAVO!!

~Jessa


End file.
